


Longing

by Rabentochter



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Only Lovers Left Alive (2013), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Blood Drinking, Depressive Thoughts, Happy Ending, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, James "Rhodey" Rhodes is a Good Bro, Loki (Marvel) is a Good Bro, Loki (Marvel) to the rescue, M/M, Married Life, Only Lovers Left Alive AU, Pining, Rambling, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Gets a Hug, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Vampire Loki (Marvel), Vampire Tony Stark, being in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-09-03 08:16:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20262118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rabentochter/pseuds/Rabentochter
Summary: Sometimes Tony forgets why they live separate from another. Why he is here when Lokiisn'tand he needs him more than blood even when his body might not agree with him there.





	Longing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AMidnightDreary](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AMidnightDreary/gifts).

> I watched Only Lovers Left Alive by coincidence today and proceeded to run to **AMidnightDreary** and told her to stop me from doing something based on this because she's supposed to be my friend and you totally see how she helped me - by letting me write this XD 
> 
> Thanks Jojo, you're the best 😆❤️

Sometimes Tony forgets why they live separate from another. Why he is _here when_ Loki is not. Why he is alone in New York, surrounded by music and people smelling of sex, music, and blood, and what does it matter when Loki isn’t here to share it with him. But then he remembers, he remembers vividly: they are lovers and they are _old_, they are so old, sometimes they just need space from another. Because if they didn’t have this space? They might kill or bore each other (it’s a lie, of course it is) to death. _Death,_ haha. You know, death like being dead or dying which is nearly impossible since he’s a fucking vampire since the early 700’s. 

He met Loki in the same year he got turned – he thinks, he isn’t sure, the numbers are all a bit blurry in his mind, he only remembers the taste of wine on fine and thin lips, dark green eyes boring into his, and a sultry voice leading him _away and_ he followed with delight because _there was someone like him_, someone who _understood_.

Even now, even with maybe a few months they aren’t living together – Tony here, Loki in Norway – the room is becoming too small and that’s an accomplishment because he lives in a fucking Tower, he has an AI (JARVIS, the good soul) who keeps making sure he gets enough blood from the Maria Stark foundation – who the fuck was Maria Stark, you ask? No, Tony doesn’t know either, he only met her a few times but he remembers her gentle smile as he met her in a bar, remembers Howard’s cold eyes when she introduced them and then, he suddenly became their son. There was this kid who _played him_ for as long as he had to, got lots of money out of it until Anthony was ‘old’ enough and then Tony stepped in, the new _heir after_ being sent to MIT where he met _Rhodey_and oh, Rhodey, his best friend, his soul, his man, the one reason why he’s even sane when Loki isn’t there and _why is_ Loki in Norway again? 

Oh _right_. Because sometimes separation does them well and Tony can sit down and listen to his music, can invent and be _awesome because_ apparently that is all that is to have in the twenty-first century and Black Sabbath is playing in the background. There is bass and Ozzy Osbourne singing of life, he thinks. He isn’t sure, he’s playing air guitar while he’s waiting for a new shipment. A shame he’s dead, dead like most of them, the scientist, the musicians, why did Shakespeare go so early? 

He remembers how upset Loki was when the ‘master of words’ as Loki dubbed him – which caused some jealousy on Tony’s part, really, it did – died and vanished, left behind incomplete works and it was almost as bad as when Bach died; another favourite of Loki’s. 

“Tony?”

“Platypus?” he asks, his voice a slur and oh, he’s lying on the floor again, isn’t he? 

“How are you doing?” 

“I need help,” he says instead, eyes fixed on the shoes, coming closer to his face, closer and closer until they stop and stand before him. 

“I know.” 

“Do you know where Loki is?” 

“In Norway.” 

“Is he?” Tony tilts his head on the cold ground. “Are we sure? Not that he’s somewhere else instead and I keep remembering it wrong.” 

“You need to drink, Tony.” 

“I know.” Tony nods. “I think I need blood.” 

“You do.” Rhodey sighs. “But you can’t drink sitting like that.” 

“I can’t?” 

“No.” 

“I double-dog dare you I can.” 

“That’s not how it works, Tony,” Rhodey says gently, his arms reaching under Tony’s armpits, pulling him up. 

He’s strong. Comes from the military, Tony is sure. Rhodey knows things he shouldn’t know, it would be better for him if he just _didn't_. Normally Tony despises ignorant people but Rhodey?

His sweet Rhodey who doesn’t judge him for being a vampire, for being or _pretending to_ be someone who he actually isn’t but it was a too good deal proposed by Howard and Maria. They didn’t want their legacy to die and Tony wanted money, he needed it because he knew that money would be what would reign the world one day – then oil, then water, and of course, other natural resources. He likes green energy, that’s why he has his arc reactor running in all his companies. People like the whole green energy thing, they hail him as a hero of the ‘new age’ and it’s awesome, yes. 

But Tony doesn’t care about that right now. He doesn’t because he’s hungry and he misses Loki and oh, it should be time soon for their call, right? He wants to see his lover again, greet him and celebrate with him (celebrate _what_?) and get drunk, he needs blood, did he mention that already? 

“Rhodey,” he whines because he’s thirsty and he possibly spent too much time in his workshop, tinkering and inventing around, doing things people shouldn’t do in their early 1400’s, nope. He shouldn’t have invented an armour which can _fly_, oooh and do other stuff like shooting lasers from his gauntlets, have rockets stored in his shoulder pads and arms and the thrusters in his boots, yes, fun times and the workshop was all dark, like it was supposed to be, no sunlight, no _nothing_– 

How was he supposed to know that days and nights passed? He didn’t have something mundane like _windows _down there because he’s a freaking _vampire he_ doesn’t need light, he can see on his own very good, thanks a lot and why did Faraday have to die? Waste of genius, why did he refuse Tony’s offer of _turning him_, he could’ve done so much more but no -

“It’s clean blood,” Rhodey told him as he put him down on the sofa, his hands warm and familiar on him. “You won’t get poisoned from this, Tony.” 

“Oh _good_,” Tony mumbled. “Because blood poisoning is exactlywhat I’m trying to_ avoid_ here.” 

“I know.” Rhodey snorted softly. “Why didn’t you call me? You’re, well, _pale_.” 

“I am a _vampire. _I’m supposed to be pale.” 

“Paler than usual.” 

“Are you worried about me, Platypus?” 

He laughed. “Kind of. You're more crazy and chaotic.” 

Tony nodded, his hands reaching for the small glass Rhodey gave him – it is filled to the brim with some delightful zero negative, just the way Tony (and Loki) like it because in this form, blood is the purest and the most _cathartic_, Tony could get high on this sort of stuff. 

“I need-, do you have the guitars?” 

“Of course I have.” Rhodey sent him an offended glare. “Who do you think I am? Steve Rogers?” 

“No, you’re far too useful for that.” 

Because _honestly_, driving a plane into the ocean without jumping out first? _Stupid, _so complete and utterly stupid, who had allowed that Steve Rogers was a functional human being in the first place? He remembered how Loki had laughed when they got the news, because it was apparently just ‘such a patriotic thing to do’ and Tony still isn’t sure how to feel about that, because patriotism? 

A meaning which has shifted a lot, it used to be loyalty to your master, then it became loyalty towards the master you served or on whose lands you lived on, then later on it became _defend your home but_ what is home? It didn’t make sense, it was just defending a land which had become _yours simply_ because some people drew lines on land and now you were supposed to die for it. It doesn’t make sense, the String Theory _does _as does the Matrix Mechanic – it’s formulas, genius, numbers you have to count and see, light and some good understanding of mathematics and then it’s all done and good. 

Of course that’s not all that there is to life. Loki favours artists of all kind, the ones with music, brushes, words, hands, _mind_– Tony likes them too, of course but scientists and musicians? Those were where his heart belonged – the part that isn’t owned by Loki. 

He rolls his shoulders back. It’s time for a drink. 

“I need to be back soon, can you-“ Rhodey hesitates.

“Yeah?” 

“Call Loki. As soon as you’re fed and then, call _me_, all right?” 

Tony nods. “Sure.” 

“Good.” Rhodey stares at him for a while. Then leaves, as quiet as he had come. 

_Zero negative_, Tony’s mind sings and for a moment, the Tower is big enough again. The cold blood runs down his tongue, feeds him, makes him feel warm from inside out and it’s more than enough, this is what they would have called ‘heaven’ in the Middle Ages and nowadays in parts of the world too – 

Blood spends life. _Water spends_ life and there is so much more to discover today than there was ever before. There is the sea which isn’t fully explored and Tony kind of wants _to see _because he hasn’t been down there yet and the pictures look amazing but he sees better in the dark than any camera could. _Should they ever come behind my secret and discover what I truly am_, he thinks not unkindly because discovery is in human nature and Tony supports this_, then I want to be put to use in the sea and discover the secrets there_. Dissect him later when he’s dead, he wants challenges but – 

Loki isn’t here and music isn’t enough anymore, neither is working at cars and that after he just got a new guitar, he sees the suitcase next to the couch there and in a few days, a new car will be delivered. A Bugatti Veyron 16.4 and Tony is looking forward to getting that baby into his garage (he isn’t because it isn’t Loki).

There is no new Einstein in the wide field of physics right now, not since Banner went abroad and fuck, Tony can respect that although he loved the green monster, he really did. It was beautiful and Loki _hated _it because green was _his _colour and Tony pulled him into a kiss, slow and soft, then went on about talking about Gamma radiation and what this could mean for them, for them _all_, human mankind was steering towards a new path. 

He swallows the last drop, heaven and hell, all in one and he swears his mind _explodes when_ the rich taste of the dark blood comes to fruition in his mouth, it’s almost as good as sex and he hasn’t gotten any of that in the last time, time to rectify this and he licks his lips, traces the blood there which he hasn’t swallowed yet and he wants more– but he can’t, because he can’t be greedy, he can’t take too much blood away from the foundation, he’s better than that, isn’t he? 

Black Sabbath stopped playing while he was savouring the taste and it leaves him oddly melancholic on his couch. It’s silent. It never is. Tony hates silence. The room becomes too big all of sudden and there’s only his breath in the vastness of space (you’re overthinking, Tony) and nobody is here, Pepper is doing her work and _where is Loki?_

His phone rings. 

“Tony here,” he answers the call, his voice hoarse as if he had forgotten how to speak but it’s just how his voice sounds after he drank because it’s like blowing someone (Loki) and getting your vocal cords afterwards back into _speaking._

“_Tony_,” his salvation breathes into the phone. “_Darling_.” 

“Loki,” he mumbles back and his voice doesn’t need to be more than the whisper because it’s good the way it is, because Loki can understand him. 

“I miss you,” he says next because his filter is gone when it concerns Loki. _“Loki.”_

“_I miss you too._” A sharp breath. “_I want to see you_.”

_See you_, his mind repeats as he taps on the phone, presses a few buttons then a hologram shows him Loki, his Loki – 

He is as beautiful, perhaps even more so, as Tony remembers him. His black hair falls in unruly waves around his delicious face, frames his delicate cheekbones and accentuates the green eyes in the pale skin – he looks more like a fallen angel than ever and Tony isn’t sure how he deserves this, this gorgeous sight, this _man_, who looks at him like he is the best thing they have ever laid sight on. It makes his skin tingle and then- 

He feels sick. Sick in his heart because he sees Loki but Loki is not here with him. He touches the hologram tenderly, touches _Loki_’_s hand and_ a small smile, shaky like they tend to be in his lone hours, sneaks onto his lips. He’s not sure how to continue from here.

“_I miss you,” _Loki mumbles from where he is (not with you, his mind supplies helpfully). “_Are you all right, Anthony?” _

He opens his mouth. No sound leaves his lips, only air – dead and filled with the aroma of blood – and he wants to say everything is just peachy as life is, Loki will understand but – he is like Black Sabbath – _silent_. 

“_Anthony_?” 

He swallows the grief and longing in his throat down, puts it back where it belongs because they don’t need him all full of sadness and grief when there are better things to talk about when he could focus on _Loki who_ he – 

“_I hate flying_,” Loki says and his face is bigger than before – result by leaning forwards into the camera, “_but you need me, don’t you?”_

Yes, Tony wants to say, yes, I need you. Like blood, perhaps even more so. 

_“Why are you still in America?_” Loki asks him gently. “_I thought you loved Norway? We used to live here for ages. The cold nights are our friends, don’t you remember?” _

“I-“ 

“_Shh, my love.”_Loki smiles at him. “_I’m only teasing you. I know you love your America. But I expect a lift when I arrive, do you hear me?” _

“Sure.” Tony nods and the smile on his lips stabilises. “Only the best for you, you know that.” 

_“I know,”_ Loki intones softly. “_I love you, you know. But you need to tell me when you aren’t doing well, Anthony. I-“ _he swallows. “_I can’t smell it when you’re not doing well,_ please_, tell me if you aren’t all right, yes?”_

“Yes,” Tony says like the liar he is because he never did, he never does because he is scared that – no, he doesn’t actually know he just knows he doesn’t like talking about how he feels, it makes him feel restless and like there is nothing which gives him space or that there is no anchor left in his life and if he allows himself to feel emotions _once_, he will show them all and he _will shatter_ and go to ground because of that.

It’s not healthy, Freud had told him when Tony was visiting him because he loved people who were creative and Freud wasn’t always right with his theories but they were _new and_ new was _good. _He had told him that Tony had to show his emotions because if he didn’t, he was restraining himself and by that, he was trying to restrict himself – a form of punishment.

But punishment for what?

Tony still doesn’t know. But he thinks that Loki does because sometimes, Loki gets this faraway look in his eyes too, his eyes set on the horizon and that’s when Tony knows that Loki will go back to Norway again – his homeland because Loki felt grounded there and America _wasn’t_. America was changing too much and Loki never really knew what to do with the people here, whenever he thought they learnt they _did _learn and it was all _bullshit_, Loki is just a man like that – he doesn’t like something he will only find bad things there and won’t come to like it anymore. 

Stubborn, stubborn man. 

_“There’s an overnight flight tomorrow evening,” _Loki mumbles and Tony sees him typing on his laptop, his tongue wetting his lips and what wouldn’t Tony give for kissing them right now? _“Which means I’m here in the early morning.”_

“Send me the details as soon as you have them and I’ll tell Happy to pick you up. Do you want some blood in the car or-“

“_No, thank you_. _I’ll wait until I’m with you, then we can toast together_.” 

“You want to toast with me?” 

_“Of course I do.”_Loki looks at him with soft eyes. “_Seeing you again is always a celebration, Anthony. And I will celebrate it for as long as we can and want to, don’t you agree?” _

“I do,” Tony mumbles and his dead heart beats traitorously fast. 

_“I love you,”_ Loki says again and Tony purrs in delight. 

They end the call and with that, Loki fades from his view again. 

That’s the worst thing, Tony finds. It’s too harsh, too cruel, too accurate and the Tower, the room, mere seconds ago filled with blue light and a tender, dark voice, is now empty again save for him and JARVIS. But JARVIS is an AI, he doesn’t understand Tony’s craving for blood even when his code tells him that his creator needs it, that this is more important than board meetings, more important than learning how to create a smaller Arc reactor than he already has and making it that cheap that it’s affordable for everybody. It’s not easy but nothing ever is, Tony has learnt that. 

A few minutes later he forwards all the necessary data to Happy who’s getting Loki in two days and makes sure that he has enough zero negative in his fridge because this is a time that demands of a worthy celebration – unnecessary because he’ll always have enough blood here, thanks to Maria and Howard but it’s just a thing Tony has grown used to over the centuries. You greet your love with nothing less than the best and that is zero negative, dark and red, heaven in a bottle, maybe he should serve it in wine glasses – the ones Loki loves so much because they’re _art _and a bottle _isn’t _apparently. 

He should make sure that he brings out the best chairs when Loki is here. Not the ordinary ones, no but the ones from Breuer should suffice, yes. Tony likes them well enough but Loki? He could swoon over the combination of leather and steel tube, a true revolution, a sign of _fresh ideas_, the innovative design from 1925, Loki just _adores it_. Loki is weird. But so is Tony and that’s why they fit so perfectly together. They love their geniuses, they love what they come up with and give them _ideas_, give them money (occasionally because sometimes that’s not what they need) or simply make music for them. 

Because Tony can _sing_, he knows just how to play an instrument – he mastered the cembalo first, then multiple variants of the flute – Tony doesn’t remember them all, some were western, some weren’t, some still exist, some doesn’t, it’s all very sad if you think about it but in the end, it is what it is and he loves to make music for his favourites. He loves playing the piano when his fingers run over the keys as they do on a keyboard, and it’s either soft and slow, almost romantic and he knows by heart the look Loki gives him, the fondness shining in his eyes and sometimes, when the mood is right and Loki likes Tony’s favourites too–

He starts to sing to Tony’s music. They play together not often but when they do, it always is special. It’s their own brand of magic – something Loki _learnt_, something Loki can _do with_ his mind because he is Loki and when green flames lick over Loki’s hands, Tony wants to sit down in their midst and be covered and surrounded by _Loki_. 

He is a fool like that. The room is trying to shrink again but Tony won’t let it, not now, not when Loki is finally coming home to him despite his dislike for America. It’s getting too much here, Tony realises as he tugs a blanket over himself and JARVIS starts The Brady Bunch from the 60’s. It’s such a contrast to his mood, Tony can only love it. He doesn’t feel like inventing right now. Or fake ordering pizza or other take-away. He does that, at times. Because the dead taste of food is tickling his dead senses almost as if they awake again and can tell him how those things _taste_, that he isn’t _dead_, this is just a hangover episode – 

He had them often, so often in his early days and mid days, even now, in his late middays. Is there even something like early and middays for vampires? They are supposed to live forever and Loki is at least 300 years older than him but it might also be _more_, Tony is never quite sure but he doesn’t want to ask because in the greater scheme it’s not necessary to know, is it? What counts is that they are married, happily, can stay apart from another even when it feels like it is hurting Tony. But they manage and have married now for the third time, they should plan their fourth soon actually – before “Tony Stark” has to disappear from view and Pepper and Rhodey will inherit everything. He is looking forward to that day as much as he is dreading it. 

The next two days are a blur, his thoughts filled with _Loki, Loki, Loki and_ there is a new car he takes apart and puts together again, there’s blood, and giving the pizza delivery boy a good tip because a young lad like him needs it more than Tony ever will and _finally_, it’s _that day_ and Loki is going to arrive soon. 

Tony will stay awake for as long as he has to because the only thing that matters is seeing and greeting Loki again and if he has to inject himself with some gamma rays first – because who’d have thought, those actually help a bit against the sun and the death it brings – and it will hurt like hell but Tony can live with that, as long as it means he gets Loki in his arms or he in his, that doesn’t matter and he’s a vibrating ball of excitement and tiredness. The bags under his eyes are real even when Tony doesn’t fully understand _how that_ is possible because he’s, well _dead_. But the body does what the body wants, who’s Tony to complain? 

And then, there’s Loki. In the elevator, JARVIS tells him and Tony thinks he can hear giddiness in his AI’s voice too. Everybody loves Loki, this is good, more than good actually. And his breath stops when he sees Loki coming to a halt at the doorstep because Loki still has manners and it’s bad luck to enter a house or room uninvited even when the other person is your husband. It makes Tony smiles and he ducks down, puts Loki’s suitcase inside, then takes the impossibly long and elegant fingers, hidden under a leather glove and leads his husband inside. 

“Hi,” he whispers because that’s all he can, too astonished to see his Loki back with him, the sunglasses on his head, almost invisible in his dark hair and dressed impeccable and he doesn’t look a day older than he should.

“Anthony,” Loki breathes, bends his head and then there are soft lips on his, soft until teeth catch his lips and bite them, not all too gentle but Tony doesn’t mind. He sighs, moans almost, his hands stroking through Loki’s hair and it hasn’t seen a shower for a while now, has it? It’s greasy and the curls have become spikes – he’s a tall hedgehog, isn’t he? And he doesn’t mind when Loki draws blood – he allows himself the same courtesy and Loki’s blood is better than the stuff he drank the other day –

He’s sharp and not sweet at all, there is this taste Tony can’t define but he thinks that might just be because he’s dead and he can’t taste things but that might just be Loki he tastes there. He smells good and he’s warm to Tony – his hands curling around Tony’s back, drawing him in and protecting him from the room which feels hostile to him. Loki is so good for him, his tongue lazily dancing with Tony’s. 

It doesn’t stay that way, of course it doesn’t because they haven’t seen another in such a long time. Tony offers his neck gladly to Loki who licks it in a single stroke, presses kiss after kiss to the skin there and turns Tony into pudding, with almost no effort at all on his part. But Tony doesn’t mind, presses Loki’s head closer to him and closer because he wants him, he wants him to mark him again and there’s not much blood in him but Loki’s fangs piercing his skin? It’s beautiful. It’s like seeing Fibonacci in nature and being used in real life – his stairs are Fibonacci formed, he only does good things with his money – it’s enthralling and Tony can’t get enough, his body tells him to _stop_, to get the predator away from him but he is a predator himself, he knows not what fear is. 

“Love you,” Tony mutters, his eyes closed in bliss as Loki’s fangs retract and his mind is still thrumming in pleasure. 

“I love you too.” 

Tony shivers, removes the gloves from Loki’s hand slowly – finger by finger, until Loki’s hand is bare. Tony kisses each finger, presses the palm to his mouth and kisses it too, scratching it a bit with his fangs. Loki shudders and he’s _beautiful_, did Tony already mention that? 

They walk to his kitchen, towards the fridge and Tony presents Loki with a bottle, full of zero negative. He fills two wine glasses with it, not all too much but a bit more than it is necessary but this is a celebration so Tony doesn’t care for rules tonight. 

“To being together again,” Loki toasts with a smirk that has Tony weak in the knees and he clinks his glass carefully against Loki’s and toasts too. 

Then they drink and this time, it’s even _better_, it’s drinking blood _with Loki_ and it’s like they have never been separated. Tony leads them towards his bedroom because the sun is starting to rise which means sleeping time for them. Loki’s eyes burn his, cold and green, red stains on his lips and Tony doesn’t deny himself, he leans forward and licks them off eagerly. Blood _and _Loki, together at the same time in his room, it’s already so much better than before, he feels less like he’s vanishing and more like he’s going to survive. What, he doesn’t know but he – they – can figure it out tomorrow. 

He throws his legs over Loki’s, pulls the blanket up and buries his head in Loki’s spikes, a content smile on his lips. Tomorrow night. 

“Good day,” he whispers to Loki and squeezes his hand and Loki squeezes back, then he falls asleep.


End file.
